Early Morning Confusion, 3/3
by Rachel
Summary: Kitty finds a poem written by Marrow and wonders if she can return the mutants feelings.


Early Morning Confusion

Part Five

By Rachel

Disclaimer: Kitty, Marrow, and all other X-men, and their universe belongs to Marvel, I'm only borrowing them. No profits are being made from the posting of this story.

Warning:If a f/f relationship upsets you, then this story is not for you. And if it's illegal where you live, MOVE.

Archives: Please ask permission if you wish to archive this story at your site, so I can send any more chapters to you.

Feedback: Please send any feedback to [rachel12@tampabay.rr.com][1] Also let me know if you like to see any more. 

Part Five

Walking through the door, Kitty smiled at X-Men's mentor, the man for whom they've all risked their lives for so many times. Risked their lives in the hope that one day his dream that humans and mutant could co-exist in peace. Yet, there were times she wondered if that day would ever happen, the long nights when despair would briefly over take her, yet it was her belief in the dream that kept her going.

Using the motor control of his wheelchair, Xavier came around his desk heading over to Shadowcat, hand held outwards, "Kitty my dear, I'm so glad to see you again, I have to ask your forgiveness for not being able to see you since you and Kurt have rejoined the X-Men, but I find myself more in Washington these days than at the school."

Taking the Professor's offered hand in a strong grip, Kitty was not surprised to see his eyebrows rise slightly at her strength. "Yes," Kitty thought, "You're surprised to see how much I've changed, then again it's been what, two-three years?"

Waving to an over stuffed chair, Xavier could not help but smile at how the young girl who left, had developed into a beautiful young woman. "I hope we can find the time for a chess game, it's been years since I've faced a good challenge."

Letting out a short chuckle, "That's because you quit playing against me, you thought it didn't look good to the team for you to keep losing to a thirteen year old." Kitty watched as the Professor let out an embarrassed laugh. Yet she could not help noticed the lines around the corners of his mouth, the bags under his eyes. "You've aged a lot in a few years Professor," her mind said a bit shocked at the erosion she saw.

Xavier, let his laugh last just a little longer than necessary. Even the world most powerful telepath didn't need to use his power could see the shock in Kitty's eyes at his condition. Not that he would use his power to snoop on another's thoughts without permission, his experiences since Kitty first left had shown him the consequence of abusing such power.

"I know why you're here Kitty, Jean gave me a full report on what happen in the basement and at breakfast."

Nodding not surprised that the man knew, little happened in the mansion that the Professor didn't know about. Briefly she wondered what secrets he must know about the people living under this roof, yet she never saw him pass judgment. Kitty wondered, could she have the character to do that?

Resting his elbows on the arms of his wheelchair, Xavier looked at Kitty, marveling at the strength he saw, someone so young confronting him, something that even Logan hesitated at. "I'm surprised to have heard about you and Marrow, then again after you left I'm ashamed to say that I never kept track of you or Kurt."

Leaning her chin on her hand, Shadowcat relaxed, trying to put herself and the Professor at ease. "Surprised that I was with a woman?"

He realized what Kitty was doing, using her body language to relax him, enjoying the conversation, he decided to fight fire with fire by letting loose a very uncharacteristic snort, and wave of his hand. "Kitty you of all people should know better than that, you once talked in front of a school assembly years ago when that young boy killed himself. There you said that mutant, human, nerd, and gay were all labels, and that you were Kitty Pryde, and that was all the labels that you needed." Xavier halted at the memory, fighting back the emotion that wanted to pour forth, "I was so proud of you Kitty." 

"No," Xavier continued, "I was surprised that you picked someone closer to your own age. Ever since you came to stay with us, you've always been attracted to older individuals." Waiting for a response, he continued when Shadowcat said nothing, "I blame myself, for that," Holding up his hand when Kitty started to protest, "No, you were thirteen years old, I surrounded you with team mates years older than you. I asked you to risk your life more times than I care to remember. You had no friends your own age except for Illyana, no Saturday nights at the movies, no trips to the mall, nothing outside of the X-Men….no youth."

She waited to make sure that the Professor was done; even then she hesitated, hoping to find the right words. "Professor, at thirteen, I could beat anyone at chess, monkey around with the most advance computer systems. Back in Illinois, I had no friends at school; no one to talk to, why do you think it was so easy for me to leave home. There I was odd, and my mutation had not even developed yet. Here, my mind was allowed to expand, and helped a few times in saving the world. I think you really underestimate what that has done for me, if I were to die in the morning, there would be no regrets."

They both were silent for a short time, both taking the time to absorb what had been said. Kitty was surprised how much the Professor had opened up to her, was he that lonely here in his own home?

"Now," Xavier said coming out of his thoughts, "The reason you wanted to see me, tell me Kitty, what would happen to Marrow if we turned her over to the authorities?"

"Well, jail, trial, then at least prison, more likely lethal injection." Shadowcat replied after a few seconds thought. 

Nodding in agreement, Xavier went on, "Yes, which more than likely would bring even more terrorist acts on behalf of Marrow from other mutant's making her a martyr."

"Yes," Kitty nodded, "But that happens everyday, every trial whether it's mutant, or some other terrorist. Are you saying that bringing Sarah into the team was to save lives?"

"But there's a bigger picture Kitty," Xavier insisted, "Yes there's human terrorist, but what would happen, if you had a leader of one of those groups. Have that leader live with you, eat, sleep, and feel. See how to live with your enemy in peace, show that killing is not the only way to live together. Then they leave and go back into their organization, with what they learned, they've become a messenger of sorts."

Dwelling on the Professor's words, she could see what he was hoping for, "So Sarah, is to a messenger, the first messenger of many I take it?" Seeing the returning nod, Kitty rubbed her hands over her face, trying to think of a way to say what she was feeling, until she could think of nothing else but the straightforward truth. "What about justice, what about justice for all those who died having never heard of Morlocks?" She knew the answer was not going to be to her liking when the Professor turned his gaze to the floor.

"Well Kitty, that's where at times, presidents have to decide what would be the best for their people in the long run. I'm not a president, I only formed a small group of mutants to try and change things for the better, it was not an easy decision, but I made it, I implemented it, and ultimately, I will be judge by it."

Xavier looked at Kitty, waiting for her to say something while she just played with the buttons on her blouse, until finally she just shook her head. "I don't know what to say, I understand your reasons, yet….." Letting out a sigh she just again shook her head. "I should thank you, I mean I'm seeing Sarah right?" The Professor just returned her stare not saying a word, letting the woman have the time she needed. "Maybe not after this morning, she just got me so upset at how she was baiting Ororo, I don't want to set myself up for another betrayal."

"Maybe you'll like some time to think things over about Marrow, away from the mansion?" Xavier said with a tilt of his head, not pressing Kitty on who betrayed her, though he was curious, "Scott, Rouge, Kurt and the rest are due back tomorrow, it could be easier if you were not here, let them get over the initial revelation, and come back when after they've had time to think about it?"

"What do you have in mind?"

Smiling again, he turned the chair around and pushed the hand control forward back to the desk, picking up sheet of paper. "Emma Frost called, she wants to set up a LAN system for the school, entirely separate from the advance computers below grounds, machines that would not draw visitors attention. She asked if you would consider doing the work. She prefers for security that we do the work. Emma said if any of the kids at the school put it together, the drives would be filled with the latest pirated games, not schoolwork.

With a chuckle, Kitty pictured what the kids at the Massachusetts Academy would do if they got their hands on some new computers."Alright, sounds like a plan, when do I leave?"

"There's a car coming to pick up Jubilation later this afternoon, will that be acceptable?" 

"Yes," Kitty replied quietly, then looked at the Professor closely, "You should tell the rest of the team, they have a right to know." Xavier nodded his head but still seemed doubtful, only to be staggered by her next words. "You've drifted away from them."

"Kitty I'm sure you're mistaken," he started to protest.

"Yes you have," Shadowcat insisted, "I remember when you were at all of the ballgames, watching us swim in the lake, taking charge of the bar-b-q." pausing as the Professor muttered that he only did that cause Gambit always used too much Cajun hot sauce. "When was the last time you joined us at breakfast?"

Weakly he sighed, "Things have been so busy lately, I just don't have the time."

Standing, Kitty walked over to the door, pausing before she phased through the door, "You know Professor, my dad didn't have the time either, for me or my mother. I think that's one of the reasons I didn't mind leaving home. It just didn't feel like a family anymore." Phasing through the door, Kitty looked around the entry way, she wanted to get her thoughts together before she went to see the sparkplug.

*****************************************

Jubilee ignored the knock on the door, she just wanted to go back to the Academy, this had to have been the worse visit ever. Looking out at the driveway from the window seat, she laid her chin on top of her knees, pulling her arms tighter around her legs. Wolvie was mad at her for the things she said about Kitty. Jean, Ororo and Betsy weren't talking to her, and Kitty, well Kitty…..

"Hey there," 

"AGHHHHHhhhhh," spinning around, she came face to face with the person she had been thinking about. "JEEZZ PRYDE! Like give me a heart attack why don't cha, you could at least knock." 

Sitting next to Jubilation, she watched as the girl once again tucked in her legs and looked out the window. "I did knock, you didn't answer."

"Well duh, maybe that meant I didn't want to see anyone?" she snapped, then flipped down her ever-present red sunglasses that had been lying on the top of her hair.

Smirking, Kitty reached up and phased the glasses off Jubilee's face, paying no attention to the expletives she let loose. "Now listen, since this morning when you found out about Marrow you've been on my case. Now I want to know what the problem is."

"I don't have any problems," Jubilee replied, irritated that Kitty took her shades, "If you want to be queer, that's your problem." 

Kitty sagged against the window, as Jubilee's words stuck her like a blow, so sudden was the onslaught; she didn't even have a chance to keep the tears from her eyes. 

"KITTY!" Jubilation shouted, her voice full of concern while her hand flew up to grab the woman's shoulder, "Kitty, what's wrong, come on don't cry, please don't."

Sniffing, Shadowcat just shook her head and wiped her eyes, "Jube's, some word's hurt, and what you said hurt, a lot."Jubilee could see the tears filling Kitty's eyes, at first she didn't know what she meant, then in a sudden revelation she knew, "Ah, jeez Kitty, I'm sorry, I didn't mean it. Please stop crying, I promise that I won't say that word again, okay?"

She checked her pockets for a Kleenex she knew she didn't have, then again Kitty had not expected to have such a strong reaction to Jubilee calling her a queer. She was confused enough about her feelings in the past few days, but to be confronted like this was a shock to her. Finally she just used the sleeve of her blouse to wipe her nose. "You know I never thought you would do that," Jubilee said in a light but shaken tone, the young mutant upset that she had really hurt Kitty feelings.

"Do what?" 

Pointing to her sleeve, the girl just shrugged her shoulders, "Used your blouse to wipe your nose, I mean before you've always been perfect." Between sniffs, Kitty shook her head and tried to smile, "Come on Jube's, you know that I'm not perfect."

"Yes you were, I mean look at cha," Jubilation awareness was fully on her friend now, "You're beautiful, smarter than the Professor, can just about fix anything in the mansion that breaks, and can kick everyone's butt except for Wolvie."

It hit Kitty then a memory over four years past. A leather clad Storm, then sporting a Mohawk confronting a brown-haired girl about Jubilee's age, a girl that had seen her hero change in ways she didn't like, way's that destroyed the images Kitty then held of Ororo. "I guess I've come full circle." She mumbled.

"What?" she didn't know what Kitty meant. But at least she wasn't crying anymore, Jubilee was not sure what hurt worse, knowing what she said hurt Kitty, or seeing the tears themselves.

"Jubilee," Kitty started off slowly trying to remember what Ororo had said to her. "Me sleeping with Sarah, bothers you don't it. Now you feel scared of me, you can't help it, but you do, you're wondering why I had to change." She could tell that she hit the nail on the head by the expression on the girls face. "Oh Ororo," Kitty thought, "And I thought I was the only one hurting all those years ago."

"Wow Kitty," an astonished Jubilee said, "are you like telepathic now?"

She could chuckle now since she knew what was wrong, and could forgive Jubilation, cause she knew the pain the girl was going though, "No, I went through what you're going through, only for me it was with Ororo. I can only tell you that I don't know why I changed; I wish that things could remain constant. But then I would not be who I was; I would be lying to myself." Halting briefly to take a breath, Kitty realized the Jube's still had her hand on her shoulder. Smiling Kitty covered it with hers,"Listen, I still feel the same about you, that won't change. But if you feel the same way, you have to let me live my life."

Katherine watched as Jubilation bit her bottom lip, then let out a "Offfff," as the girl wrapped her arms around Kitty in a fierce hug, her head lying over Shadowcat's heart. Grinning, Kitty returned the hug, tightly holding onto her friend as she placed a kiss on top of Jubilee's head.

"Kitty, that was just a friendly kiss….right?"

"Yes, that was a for friends only kiss."

"Okay, Kitty?"

"Yes?"

"You took a shower, right?"

Epilogue

Marrow listened to the steps above her head, after so many months she knew they belonged to Kitty. The stairs creaked as the footsteps moved downwards with the added weight of the suitcase, when they reached the bottom there was hesitation. Then a couple steps to the left, which lead to the basement. Finally they went forward towards the entry hall, and the white limousine waiting for Kitty and Jubilee.After a few minutes Sarah went down the steps to the basement, wondering why Kitty didn't realize, if she admits that she was wrong to have killed those Up-Worlders, then she was no better than the one's who killed her people, how could she say that.

Fin

   [1]: mailto:rachel12@tampabay.rr.com



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